Once a Soldier...always a Soldier

It's been more than 16 months since I last put on my uniform. Everyday I go through photographs and think about days gone by. Everytime I try and talk to someone about this, I hear the same thing: being a soldier is an ugly, dirty and wrong job. It consists of killing people, training to kill people, or assisting others in killing people. I've been told that the work of a soldier (to protect his country) is just a bullshit excuse governments use to push us into fighting wars for them that will bring them more money and power. They tell us we're not noble...we're not courageous...

Here's my response - I'm a soldier. I did not join to fight wars. I did not join to be perceived as noble by anyone but myself. Until I joined, I had never fired a gun. Until I joined, I never trained in hand-to-hand combat. I never did want to kill a person, but one-day, I had to - not out of personal necessity, but from an order from some old guy sitting in New Delhi. And that scares the shit out of me. But I'm in the United Nations International Guard. And when that day came, for better or worse I did my duty. I did whatever it took. Does that not make me courageous, even noble? The army, soldiers, me - we protect you. We fight for you. I have had to kill someone I don't know - for you. I live with that - for you. Whether you appreciate it, whether you realize you need it, whether you think you'd rather not need us, we are YOUR army. Tell me you don't need me. Tell me I'm a stupid gun-touting fool. But don't say I'm not noble.

I've seen the pain, I've seen the suffering, I've lost brothers, I've lost friends - now go f**k yourself.

Neon lights

Neon lights oh so brights
Can you tell neon wants a fight
Got neon in my sights
Knock out neon lights
Say negativity
Fight me you aint got the energy
Synergy back of
You turning the color of pee
Neon shines
Neon be all mines
Neon run and hides
Neon lights I will find
Neon thinks it takes the shows
Knock down so fast
Neon lights think it glows
My lights so hot
Don’t mean to gloat and boast
Go with it and leave you toast
Burnt to a crisp
That’s it take a few sips
Get drunk and lis
Neon lights will not be missed

Thunderstorms & lightning bolts

It rained today. It wasn’t the clean kind of rain you hear about in stories. It was dirty. The sky slowly changed from a grey blue, to yellow, and finally to brown. The light reflecting off the dirt particles in the water turned it brown.

It was an interesting sky to say the least. It’s hard to say what kind of feelings this sky invoked. To just hear about it, one might assume disgust…. But that wasn’t it. I felt romantic and alive as I sat out in the thunderstorm. This wasn’t fake rain. It was real rain.

This was real life.

I sat for several minutes in the thunderstorm, listening to the rain. It’s strange how heavy rain can lull me to sleep. But just as I was drifting off, a loud crack shook me awake.

No, a lightning bolt didn’t strike us…a few 100 feet away from us. I had my eyes closed, so I didn’t see the flash, but my friend did. We sat in silence as we felt a change in the air. It became dangerous.

But still we sat, facing the storm, waiting it out.

I sit here now, with my friends in the same rain, though the sky has since gone dark. Now it’s time for the calmer rain, the rain that gently washes away the damage of the earlier thunderstorm. The sky will be blue again tomorrow.

The government

Lined up like roses of stone
You think I enjoy walking through life alone?
I can’t stand everyone around me
I want nothing to do with the idiots in this country
So to hell with the system and to hell with the prime-minister
Now I’m going to make my feelings evident
So sit back, take a deep breath
And listen to the hatred I’m about to express

Mass hysteria and propaganda
Paranoia spread from the Rashtrapati verandas
I don’t give a care if you disagree
Or if you don’t like what I’m saying
So come on and make a little noise with me
We are the destroyers of lies that the government is spraying

I’m trying to get this message through your thick head
I’m the location from where all the anger is spread
I violate property and bend the law to my will
I’ll blow your mind before you realize the thrill

This is what I scream
What I scream is fury
This is what I scream
What I scream is this
Mass hysteria and propaganda
Paranoia spread from the Rashtrapati verandas
I don’t give a care if you disagree
Or if you don’t like what I’m saying
So come on and make a little noise with me
We are the destroyers of lies that the government is spraying...

The time

How and when is your time
Gotta sit back and prioritize
Be strong and dreams you’ll realize
Look and pay attention to your eyes
Stay true and learn not to tell lies
Learn to live and love life
When shit gets tough
Just look up and rise above the hype
Ignore if you don’t wanna be sterotype
Live strong and learn to be ripe
Have a long life and live it right
Times get tough learn to fight
Not with violence but with strife
Words can be powerful and its your time
Grab it squeeze it scream its mine
Of course everything isn’t always fine
Learn to trust but don’t be blind
Crush people who don’t trust
People that don’t love
Toss and thrust
Waste your time with that watch your life bust
Add rust and catch a wind of gust
Leave that shit all up in the dust

All around

All around here

All around fear

With these ears you can hear

The worlds crying

All around you can hear the sighing

So much violence way over the top

Will it be safe

Will it ever stop and be dropped

So much pain is a luring

So many hearts are a hurting

Dart to the heart

Kids are being forced to fight

How can they live life

When they aren’t taught wrong from right

Instead they are taught how to keep targets in sight

They know the meaning of pain alright

So much all around

Escape in and under the ground

Ain't that easy that’s for sure

Why all around so much gore

So tempting with the sweet lure

Solitude

The inner most place that a person can go, yet it seems to be the hardest to obtain. The effect of solitude is either one of great pleasure, or one of great hardship. What do we really learn about ourselves when we are alone? The small parts of life can be the most deceiving, when they are not looked at in great detail. In fact, it is the details that force us into the greatest reflection. Solitude, therefore, is the most interpersonal reflection that a human being can experience. Solitude allows us to see life, both in general and in detail, as differently as we allow it to be.

The causes as to why people may choose to lead a life absent of others can vary in detail, but all comes back to reflection. Many of the religious field lock themselves away in order to find a deeper meaning and understanding of some greater deity. Artists often need a quiet place without outside disturbance. Scientists and inventors commonly feel that they can figure out the problem themselves if just given enough time and space.

All people in solitude have one thing in common with each other, they all have to be alone. It is a self-reflection. Not necessarily self-improvement, but a time to be within only one’s own thoughts. The act of being alone will drive most people mad. Lead to an insanity which one cannot break. This is why so few people actually remain in solitude for any great amount of time. Most people lack the discipline to make solitude worthwhile. Those who are the most productive are those who can think to the highest levels of thought. Take Henry David Thoreau for example, Walden has to be the greatest American reflection, which is why so few can even understand it let alone get through it.

Solitude is one of the hardest achievements for a person because it involves the most work. The hardest thing for a person to do is to think. Solitude is reflection and reflection is thinking. Thinking can lead to great understandings that allow a person to envision the world in new and joyous ways, or it can expose truths that show us the deeper realities of life, which conflicts with what one wishes to be true. Taking time for just thoughts is the most boring thing for the dull minded or the most challenging thing for the cognitive mind. Reflection is not only a process, but a production. True thinking is a reflection taken within mental solitude.

Solitude is the hermitage of thought. The motor of thinking and the production of advancement. Solitude is the discipline of the mind forever toiling the questions of the world.